Madder and Madder
by A Rabid Fan
Summary: Dying wasn't the bad part, and the White Space became home after a while. It was the falling into a make-believe world that drove her round the bend. Apparently there is only so much shit a person can take before the mind won't work properly anymore. SI OC
1. The Unfortunate Start

**Yup another story start. Don't even know why cause I still have four other stories I need to continue. I just hate continuing stories especially when my muse disappears. Sorry guys. Anyways, this one is kinda depressing and short. If I upload more chapters, they will be longer. Hopefully. Enjoy I guess.**

* * *

 _Non Compos Mentis_

 _adjective_

 _1\. Mentally incapable of managing one's own affairs; of unsound mind_

* * *

Death. Many have tried to hide from it while others run straight into its arms. People spend billions on the search for immortality. Creams, drinks, food, medicine, plastic surgery all used to make you younger. Some see death as a curse, others as a blessing. However one thing had remained constant throughout the years. No matter what, you can't hide from death.

Death has always been a fascinating concept for human beings. What happened when you're dying? Where do you go when you're dead? Is there another great adventure after death? Or just silent nothingness? Reincarnation or an eternal heaven? Well, I can answer the question. Maybe its just different for me - maybe what happens after death is different for each and every person. But for me, after I stupidly drank a little too much, and had slightly, sorta, kinda overdosed on some of my medicine, Death resulted in me passing away in my sleep and waking up in a bright, white space with the searing taste of bile in the back of my throat.

Not exactly what I expected.

You probably weren't expecting that either.

The space was clear, not any one colour or tone but just a thing of nothingness. There was no way to really describe it, just thinking about what it was hurt my head. So for the sake of my fragile and confused mindset, I referred to it as being white. And so white it was. The place was like a vacuum, I was talking, mumbling really, yet I couldn't hear myself. I felt no air passing from my lips, heard no noises other than the steady strum of silence. A deafening sound, however it wasn't a sound, the lack of any noise irritating me. And frankly — scaring me as well. Never had I ever felt so alone, never so isolated. Think about it — even late at night or in the middle of the wilderness there is always some form of sound. It might just be the gust of wind, or the crinkling of clothes and sheets, maybe the drone of voices mingling or the distant sound of traffic. But never was it truly silent. You could always count on your own voice if things got bad. But here, no noise escaped. Just pure and utter silence. Screaming didn't help. Crying didn't help. Hysterical laughing — not an effect.

This place was hell.

And so, several hours or days or maybe just seconds later, I curled up on what I called the floor though it could've easily been the ceiling. Or nothing. Or both. Rocking back and forth on my empty space, eyes sore and tired from crying, rimmed with red. I probably looked horrendous. I faintly recall someone important telling me I looked really, really bad after crying. A faint smile, a wisp of a memory brushed my mind before escaping like smoke. I didn't know anything — this place was sucking my mind out through a straw, replacing it with an empty canvas. Years ago, or maybe just a couple of minutes, I had passed away, my life fresh in my mind. Now I found myself forgetting. Everything. My name was nothing, my memories dying. Once in a while, an emotion struck me, sheer happiness or desolate joy before it was ripped away. Like a bandaid from skin, a wax strip from hair. Everything was going, flying away from me like dust on the wind. Everything but the fact that this place was white (or was it black?), a desperate need, a soul tearing desire to get away from here, and the fact that I was kinda, sorta, maybe going a little crazy. Just a little.

But it was easy to go mad here. Over here nothing made sense — yet at the same time everything did. Did it? It was times like these that I wonder if I had dreamed everything up. My past life, I mean. Before now. Or maybe I was dreaming this up? But then why was I still here? Shouldn't I have already woken up? Anger and confusion coursed through my body as I grasped my hair, pulling out strands of multicoloured hair, the lack of pain further agitating me. I stared, confused, at the thin and thick pieces of red, orange, yellow and blue. Wasn't this once just brown? Wait - what was brown again? I blinked, shaking my head viciously, before staring back at the white strands of hair lining my hands. A faint thought snagged my mind, as a worrying feeling that something was incredibly wrong crept into my mind. Something was happening. And whatever it was - I didn't like it.

I stood up, pacing back and forth in mid-air. I hopped for a while, cartwheeling over the sky before coming back to rest on my spot. Confusion raged through my mind. Something was changing. I sighed, the soft sound breaking the silence.

...

Sound? I paused — not truly believing what had happened. Had I imagined it? It wouldn't of been the first time, but now I couldn't even dream of sound. Not anymore. Not now when, sometimes, even my thoughts were too loud. Not that I had that many anymore. I paused. Should I try saying something? I couldn't really remember how to speak. Its been too long you see. I massaged my throat, fingernails digging into the pale skin. Slowly, building up courage, I opened my mouth, attempting to get those stagnant muscles working again. Nothing emerged, the heavy silence seeming even louder as if it wished to torture me further. I paused, hope dying as I wondered if I had dreamed the noise yet again. Eyes staring desolately into the close distance, I attempted one more time. Just one more time, then I'll stop. I slowly opened my mouth, a fiery ball of hope burning in my stomach. Words, thoughts, ideas formed slowly in my mind, before the words I wished to say rolled down and off my tongue.

"h-hello?"

I flinched backwards, as if I could attempt to avoid the sound. The noise hurt. It hurt so badly. Pain lanced through my mind as my ears worked for the first time in centuries. Or was it only a few hours? My voice was cracked with disuse, husky and so obviously broken from the silent screaming I had done when I had first arrived. Tears streamed down my face, the first in a while, as I clawed my hands down my neck. It was noise! Joy flooded my mind as I collapsed in a heap. Heavy gasping emerged from my mouth, the broken noise never sounding so beautiful. I cried and laughed and cried. The harsh sounds hurt my ears but I couldn't be bothered to care. Laughter rolled from my mouth, the keening sound spiralling into the ground, or was it the sky? Pure happiness caressed my soul.

I could hear - and for the first time since I was dropped here, utter elation filled my being.

"oh thank god, oh thank god ohthankgodthankgodohthankgod." I mumbled, the sound slipping over me. "Thank You for this." I looked towards the distance, before bowing. I knew, logically, I shouldn't be thanking whoever, whatever brought me here. But I was just too happy, so happy to be able to hear that I couldn't bring myself to hate them. To hate it.

Stupid me.

I should've cursed it, dammed it to the end of the world and back. Prevented it from doing anything else, prevented it from shitting with me any further. Stupid, stupid me. I should've learned, should've realised that I was nothing but a toy to it. Because, not a second later, and I mean only a second later, the white space was disappearing. Slowly deconstructing into a black hole, the edges a blurred mash of shades. And I was being sucked in too.

And I just couldn't run away.


	2. Sammy the Bananathingy

**This is the second chapter but, technically,** **its part of the prologue. I wanted this to be longer but I didn't really like the continuation from the last sentence. So here you go!**

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 _Bonkers_

 _adjective, slang_

 _1\. Mentally unbalanced; mad; crazy_

* * *

The first thing I saw outside the White Space was a beautiful blue. It glistened and sparkled in the late summer light, the shine near blinding me. I would've appreciated the view even more if I wasn't falling towards it at a scarily fast rate. Yes, the hole has decided to drop me into the middle of the sky. And unfortunately gravity was working.

Shit.

I wasn't exactly sure what to do, it had been a while since I was in a situation where I could die. Again. And my brain, being the epic thing it is, had decided to shut down in the face of mortal danger. It took a couple seconds before the fact that the blue thing was probably the sea, or a really large lake, and that was where I was falling to. Wasn't water as hard as cement if you fell into it at this height? Shit. Now what would be the normal, logical and hopefully life-saving reaction to such an occurrence? What would normal people do? It took another couple of seconds before the brief thought that, yes, I probably should be panicking crossed my mind.

"OH BLOODY HELL WHY DOES SHIT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME" I screamed, while attempting to flap my arms. Maybe I'll happen to suddenly grow wings? It wouldn't be the weirdest thing that had happened to me.

"GOD DAMM IT EVIL TH-" I yelped, flailing in mid air before smashing face first into the deep blue water.

* * *

The water rushed into my nostrils, the frighteningly cold liquid seeping into my mouth and informing me that I probably was in the sea, or a salt-water lake. Could lakes be salt-water? I opened my eyes, squinting in the murky water as the salt scorched my eyes. Not that I could feel it. I swam to the surface, gasping as I broke into fresh air. I cautiously placed my hand on my face, inspecting the damage. Blood leaked from a cut on my forehead, and my nose was most likely broken, but my face wasn't pulverised and I hadn't died again. Perhaps death had made me stronger than I was before? I stared at the horizon hoping, praying, that there would be an island, or a boat or even just a plank of wood in the distance. Nope. Nada. Nothing. Just me and the big blue sea, water stretching as far as the eye could see. I swam a little before turning as a flash of colour caught my attention. Perhaps it was a life buoy? A girl could dream. Despair crashed into me as I realised that, nope it wasn't a buoy. Instead a neon pink banana shaped thing with white swirls bobbed on the water, half submerged under the liquid.

What?

I blinked, worried that maybe my fall had knocked up my head even further. Closing my eyes, I shook my head, sending sprays of water into the air, before opening them again. The thing was still there. I stared at it, and I swear, it stared back at me. Can I say it again, what? I poked it with a finger, hoping that it wasn't poisonous to touch. It had bumpy hard skin similar to a pineapple or something. It looked edible, some sort of plant or fruit, but no way was I eating it. For all I know, it really could be poisonous and I highly doubt that I would be 'saved' from dying again. Which reminded me — where the fuck was I? I got the White Space, maybe it was my form of Hell or maybe I was in limbo. Maybe they forgot about me. But this place did not make sense. I was pretty sure this wasn't a dream, I hadn't slept since dying. But then what was it? Reincarnation meant the loss of memories, and while I did lose most of them, I hadn't lost them all. And I was pretty damn sure you were reborn as a baby. Not a teen. So what was this?

Confusion angered me, I always had to know everything even as a child. Not knowing irritated me. So this puzzle was exasperating, and to be honest, not particularly wanted. So I pushed it out of my mind, determined not to think about it until I was safe. Chances were that I was an anomaly and not meant to exist. If so - then I won't worry about it. And I won't bring attention to myself. Because I could not, would not return to the Blank Space, the White Space. Here it was painful, here it hurt cause of all the colours, all the textures and all the noises. I had a migraine, I felt a dull thrum in my head despite the fact that I couldn't feel pain. But here was familiar, here was life. Here I could use all my five senses, I could smell, hear, perhaps I could even eat and sleep again! I could not return.

Mind made up, I decided to look for shelter or some form of land before I drowned. That and my fingers were turning into prunes. Which I hated. I grasped the banana thing, stuffing it into the waist band of my bland white shorts. I decided to head away from the sun and resolutely started swimming.

* * *

I panted, struggling onto the sand. My fingers clutched the grains, the small flecks bonded together like mud, as I pulled myself onto the shore. It was the first piece of land I had seen all day, the first sign that this place wasn't just an eternal ocean. I lay there for a while, muscles sore and tired, trembling from the brutal exercise I had committed. It had been a while since I had done such a strenuous exercise, and it showed. Panting I pulled myself up so I would be sitting. I peered around myself hoping to see what my new home, for now at least, would look like. It was a disgrace. A small isle of sand with, I kid you not, a single palm tree. If you were to google 'deserted island' my island would be the stupid cartoon one. Now all it needed was a skeleton, which I might soon provide, and a treasure map. I huffed, leaning against the palm tree, before taking out Sammy the Bananathingy. I needed a friend, and Sammy had become the best one out there. He was quiet, a good listener, and could provide an emergency food source if needed. Provided you don't mind dying later if he's poisonous. I carefully placed him next to me before looking up to the sky. The coconut tree had only a few coconuts, around eight or so, and they all looked rather small. Pretty pathetic. I wasn't sure if I wanted to risk swimming again, next time I might not be as lucky and not find an island or land. Not to mention, there might be some sharks or venomous jellyfish or evil plankton which would try to kill me. And I'd rather not be a source of food despite what you might think. And since this is some form of land, ships or airplanes could pass by. Not that I had seen any since arriving but, hopefully, there are still humans existing. It would suck if I was the last human on earth and everyone else was zombies or died cause of some disease.

I sighed yet again, before deciding to ask Sammy for his excellent wisdom.

"Yo Sammy the Bananany-thingy. What do you think I should do?"

"Hmm that would make sense but what if no one came?"

"Do you see sticks here to make the S.O.S sign?"

"Yah the palm tree fronds could work but doesn't the tree need those to photosynthesise. You know to make energy and grow more coconuts so I won't starve?"

"No I wouldn't eat you…at least not until I'm starving"

"Don't look at me like that, you would do the same if you had a mouth!"

"Sooo sorry, gosh you act as if I killed your grandma."

"Oh shut up, at least I had a good grandma. What are you? Some weird child of a banana and a strawberry?"

"You know what I don't even know why I call you my friend. You suck. And your wisdom sucks too."

"Staying here was my plan first by the way. Not yours. And just so you're aware, I'm eating you after I eat the coconuts. You better not poison me or I'll haunt your soul for the rest of your experience in weird banana heaven."

* * *

I huffed, crossing my arms before sighing yet again. I was bored. Oh so bored. Now that I was somewhat out of danger, and not terrified out of my wits in the White Space, boredom threatened to kill me. Not to mention, I was down to the last coconut. I had named her Mary, which I knew I shouldn't of cause now I'll feel guilty eating her, but I needed a girl. There's only so much male communication would could take before they went bonkers.

"Hey Mary, I really hope someone comes by soon. I'd feel pretty bad eating you."

"Yah but I don't want to die. And I'm really really hungry, its only thanks to your other mates that I haven't died of dehydration but I'm still hungry."

"I should eat Sammy instead? But I like him, he's funny!"

"Who do I like better…uhhh you?"

"What do you mean I said that like I wasn't sure! I mean it. Mary you're my bestie not Sammy."

"I don't want to eat Sammy right now though. You know you should be really happy that he's not on this side of here right now. He would get so pissed if he heard you."

"…fine I'll eat him. I just want you to know that if I die, I'm blaming you. And I was forced into this, peer pressure and what not."

I quietly got up, feeling rather guilty. Sending a stink eye towards Mary I slowly clambered towards Sammy. He sat by the shore, the end of his stem dipping into the wet sand.

"Hey Sammy. I just want to let you know that this hurts me more than it hurts you and that despite your diabolical plans to rule the universe, I love you."

"Yup, its what you think its about. Your repayment for me carting you over here. I know it hurts, I know it sucks but I need food to keep me running."

"What! You're lucky I didn't eat you first!"

I paused, remorse embedding my soul.

"Sammy you were an epic friend. Unfortunately its time for you to go. I'll see you in Banana heaven."

I grabbed the banana-thingy, before removing the peel and biting into its rather scary purple flesh. Instantly I felt like barfing. It was putrid. It was disgusting. I had a feeling this was Sammy's revenge. I stared at the fruit before biting into it again. It was gross, I really didn't want to eat it despite my hunger, but I couldn't waste Sammy's life by throwing the food away. So I bit into it again, and felt my stomach rolling as the food entered it. My face turned white then green as goosebumps rose. The fruit tasted of spice and metal and plastic, with a hint of lemon and, for some really odd reason, chicken. Finishing it up, including the peel, I groaned. Sammy's sacrifice would be remembered. As would the disgusting taste.

* * *

Several days had passed since Sammy's and then Mary's demise and I was hungry yet again. The coconut tree hadn't given birth, and the tiny shoots that were sprouting up were, unfortunately, not edible. I was starting to think that I should've swam, should've moved earlier. Now I was too tired, and for some odd and scary reason, I couldn't swim. I don't know why but after touching water I felt incredibly weak. It was as if all the bones in my body had turned to jelly, and all my willpower was being sapped. It was as if I had returned to the White Space, to the Blank Space and that terrified me more than anything. So I avoided the water like it was acid, and wondered if this was Sammy's actual revenge. I made him pay for the swimming fees to land, so he removed my ability to swim. It didn't seem that farfetched and was the only thing that made sense. I highly doubt that I would contract an allergy to swimming in only a few hours. So here I was, lying in the shade of my palm tree frond shelter and hoping for someone to pass by. Cause otherwise I was screwed.

However the horizon remained desolately empty, the sky a empty vault and, obviously, a severe lack of cars. I was dehydrated, my lips chapped and bleeding and my hair a tangled mess of dirt and grossness and ick. My stomach was starving and I honestly felt that it was starting to eat itself. I had no energy anymore, and I was pretty darn sure that I would die very very soon. At least the island would finally have its skeleton. I had a major migraine, the sky swam in my head and, every once in a while, I could swear that I saw Sammy and Merry laughing at me.

It sucked. It sucked so badly.

And it was due to the above reasons that when a shape did appear on the horizon I assumed it to be a mirage. Even when the brown mass, which looked remarkably like a ship, landed next to my island, and a bunch of people ran out, obviously panicking, to grab me and load me onto said ship, that I still though it was a mirage. Or a dream. A illusion I was making up before I died. It was not until someone stabbed a needle into my wrist, and injected a anaesthesia into the IV bag that I thought that, perhaps, this might be real.

But by then, I was already sleeping.


End file.
